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The Osage County Herald-Choronicle
Burlingame, Kansas
February 4, 1915     The Osage County Herald-Choronicle
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February 4, 1915

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OSAGE Misguided Attractions of His "Venerable" Rival. Consequently Matrimonial Syndicate Had to Charge a Certain Account in the Columns Devoted to Profit and Loss. The Count de Gresac was nearly at the end of his rope. But one day of grace was left to him. He was a protege of the Matrimony syndicate. This organization of shrewd business in Paris worked clandestinely to roraote international wedlock for its own ends. The syndicate had a secret service the world over to discover the mar- riageable young women with grea! tormes. When a discovery was made ; paign was opened, but it was all ner h "i-. Counts, barons and the like without money but with good address were put on tim trails with an understanding, signed and sealed, that a generous percentage of the loot should be turned over to the syndi- regarded but as an animal in polyga- mous countries." "But we are different we in Amer- ica. in England and in France. are we not?" asked the count. "'Are we?" asked the doctor. "We imagine we are, but in many cases we treat women as badly. Of course I except present company." "You encourage me." said the count. "'I am about to become confidential. I assume, mademoiselle, the good doctor is almost in the relation of a father confessor to you?" "Almost." She laughed. "From whom no secret should be kept. It is well. You must know. mademoiselle--and the good doctor IINDIGESTION, GAS OR 51100K STOMAI00H Time it[ Pape's Diapepsin ends all Stomach misery in five minutes. Do some foods you eat hit back taste good. but work badly; ferment into stubborn lumps and cause a sick, sour, gassy stomach? Now. Mr. oP Mrs. Dyspeptic. jot this down: Pape's Diapepsin digests everything, leaving nothing to sour and upset you. Thers never was anything so safely quick, so must have seen--that I am in love-- certainly effective. No difference how desperately in loveV' The count re- badly your stomach is disordered you moved his hat, and with hand on heart I will get happy relief in five minutes, rolled his eyes upward, but what pleases you most is that it "Yes?" exclaimed Miss Alfrey. "I saw you on the avenue with her yes-I strengthens and regulates your stom- ach so you can eat your favorite foods terday!" "On the avenne?" "Yes. With Mile, Zing-Zing, that wonderful dancer." 1 "Ah mademoiselle! You don't un- derstand! It is not witb Mlle. Zing- Zing that I am in love. She is but a without fear. You feel different as soon as "Pape's Diapepsin': comes in contact with the stomaq,hdistress just vanishesyour stomach gets sweet, no gases, no belch- ing, no eructations of undigested food. Go now, make the best investment moment of diversion. Before the good [ you ever made by getting a large fifty- doctor I shall declare it! It is you, cent case of Papa's Diapepsin from any care as soon after a marriage was ef- feted as possible. The syndicate had gained Intelli- gence of Miss Mildred Alfrey, an American with money enough to satis- f any degree of cupidity. Miss Alfrey was nearly thirty, and would have been a magnet to masculine metal without a dollar. All sorts of men had pursued her and her fortune, but her fastidiousness was suggested by her age. The Count de Gresac was selected bY the synlicate to pay court to Miss Alfrey. He came to New York with letters of introduction that would have given him entre anywhere but to h,v. Miss Alfrey lived at one of the fashionable hotels near the park. Hare he settled down and came to know Miss Alfrey very well--so well, |a fact, that he fell in love with her. Almost daily he rode wlth her. ap she was an inveterate horsewoman Of late he had been ha a degree Jeal- ous of Dr. Percy Brooke. in whose empany Miss Alfrey delighted to be. The count was not jealous because of anY" rival matrimonial possibility, but he wished to monopolize Miss Alfrey's amsociatioa. Doctor Brooke was about fifty and a dear friend of Miss Alfrey's late fa- ther, At forty-five the doctor had won fame and fortune, and since had been a world traveler. He had youthful eyes and the physique of an athlete. On this morning, when the count had become desperate, he saw Miss ,freY and Doctor Brooke leave the hotel, apparently for a walk. They had atso gone out together yesterday, late in the afternoon, and he had not seen either of them during the eve- ling, though he had searched for Miss Alfrey. 'After a discreet moment or two the count followed them. He found them chatting on a park bench. "Will you sit with us?" asked Miss after a greeting. "Doctor moke is regaling me with observa- of matrimony the world over." "Ah!" laixghed the count. "Our good the doctor is inconsistent, is he ''hy ?' "He loves the company of beautiful women, yet has delayed matrimony until it is too late." "YOU mdan" *'He means," interposed the doctor good naturedly, "that I am too old." "But age brings priceless experi- *ence,, said Miss Alfrey, "I had no marriage customs varied so :ely in ifferent lands." "The good doctor observed them closely?" asked the count. "Yes," replied the doctor. "We know of oriental women who prefer slavery in. other lands to wedlock in their  .own; the Armenian bride is not per, mated to speak aloud until the birth of her first child; the Bedouin wife mademoiselle! Will you marry me?" "It is impossiblet" Miss Alfrey laughed joyously. "And why?' "Hecause last evening I was married to this venerable gentleman."--Judge. I Using the Family Horse. An inventor has devised an appar- atus intended to transform a horse's energy into electricity with which to light a house or charge storage bat- teries for the motor car which has replaced it for family purposes, says Popular Mechanics. The arrangement consists of a circular sweep which operates a dynamo the animal caus- ing power to be generated as it walks slowly around the 14-foot track. An electric bell and whip attachment keeps the horse going steadily ahead. If the animal should slow down too much, or should stop, the bell would immediately commence ringing and the whip striking, neither of them stopping until the horse regained a normal gait. Had to Stay There. "You are not very happy in this house," friends remarked to the rent- er. "No. I can't say we are." "Your ceilings are falling." "They are. and that isn't all. Our roof leaks, our cel- lar fills with water every time it rains. our radiators thump, our furnace is too small for the house, its appetite is too large for our income, our gutters have rusted away, the porch sags, the house hasn't had a new coat of paint for seven years, the wall paper hangs loose n every room and the chimney is shorter after every windstorm." "Why in the world don't you move?" "Because we can't find another house ith a hall that our long oriental run- ner will fit." Modesty Rewarded. "She quit because the manager of the show asked her to wear tights." "You seldom see a chorus girt like that." "Seldom, indeed. The incident gave her so much free advertising that she is now drawing a fancy salary in vaudeville for posing semi-nude as a living picture model." Solved. "Professor Grouch has at last solved the problem of abolishing distress in the world." "What's his scheme?" "To starve the poor off the face of the earth." Some men who boast that they pay as they go never manage to get very far. When a man does try to be good his wife doesn't believe it. store. You realize in five minutes how needless it is to suffer from indiges- tion, dyspepsia or bad stomach. Ado. Microbes That Eat Rubber. If your automobile tires or your rub* her boots don't wear so well as they should it may be because microbes are eating them. When perfectly dry commercial rubber is not capable of furnishing nutriment to any form of microbe, but when sufficiently moist it is frequently attacked by certain bacteria or molds which feed on the albuminoids, resins and sugars it con- tains. The red, yellow, brown and black spots which often appear on rub- ber are due to the presence of mi- crobes. At least two varieties of mi- crobe are able to assimilate the hy- drocarbon of rubber and by so doing destroy its value. Old Barbarous Punishment. L'ntil a change of law in 1870 the British parliament recognized the sen- tence of drawing (i, e., dragging on a hurdle to tim place of execution), hanging and quartering (i. e., dividing the body into four and placing it at the disposal of the crown) for the crime of high treason. J. F. X. O'Brien was sentenced to be hanged, drawn and quartered for taking part In the Fenian conspiracy of 1867. but the sen- tence was remitted to a term of penal servitude, and he survived until 1905. He was the last person on whom any judge pronounced this barbarous sen- fence. Poor Doggy! "Say, mister, will you give me five cents?" "What for?" 'I want to buy a loaf of bread for my starving family." "Oh certainly, in that case. Here's your nickel." "Thank you, sir. Now, if it isn't asking too much, will you give me a dime more?" " "What for?" "I want to buy some meat for my dog." Not What He Meant. "I'll bet I can tell you what you are laughing at." "I'll bet you can't. Perhaps your nose doesn't look as funny as you im- agine it does," Proof Conclusive. Sunday School Teacher--What is the outward visible sign of baptism? Johnny--The baby, nmm. Poor relations are almost as easy tO accumulate as empty tomato cans. It isn't every man can who keep hie end up when he can see his finish. ! 8 ! Million Bushels ' Harvested How Much Wasted? Last year's wheat crop in Kansas was a record yield, surpassing all expectations. All of the nourishment of this enormous crop should go into food for mankind, but much of it will be wasted. In making white flour and many foods, the outer, or bran coat of the wheat is discarded. This bran-coat contains vital mineral salts, iron for the blood, lime for the teeth and bones, phosphate of potash for the brain and nerves, etc., etc., all absolutely. _,necessarY, to health. All o[ these mineral elements are retaihed in making ape- uts Food About three-quarters of a million bushels of selected wheat are used by the ' e Company, and of the nutriment of this wheat of th Posture Cereal none __ b00ast00L is made from wheat and malted mrley. The feed'cornea ready cent a dish. It's mighty good, too. COITNTY CHRONICLE. BURLINGAME. KANSAS. lUST A CHICKENFOOT By IDA SPEED. i i Ill ( Copyright, ) It was the ,omance belt of the Southwest which that tenderest of tenderfoots. Chick Saunders, struck. Farther West is the land of the outlaw and desperado: back East com- mercialism makes "era eat folks alive. and up on the North plains the cold grips a man'" soul and makes him kinder brutal. But we take things easy here and Jog along, everybody friendly amongst theirselves, savin' all the joshin' and raw remarks or the fellow from back East that busts in on our peace and goodwill. Chick Saunders blowed into Floret- ta off a west-bound passenger one bleak November day, which havin' only fifteen cents In his pocket he couldn't have rode but five miles fur- ther anyhow. On the roof of a big barn a quarter of a mile north, painted in bold let- ters, Chick saw "Bar C Ranch," and he hotfooted it thereto, inquired timid- like if old man Cranch was in, got the laugh from a bunch of cowboys that was standin' around the door, it bein' chuck time, then walked in and got a job. That job was to cut wood. Old man Crozier, the owner, had just looked out the window and observed that here was winter comin' on, a regular blizzard of a norther blowin' and no wood cut. Chick was the man of the hour. The boy's name on the pay roll was set down as Willie Saunders, but we're too uncertain out here about whether ,a fellow gives his right name or not, to put urselves out to call him by it, so him beln' such a rank ehlek- enfoot, we Just christen him' Chick from the start. tte'd crawl on any horse you told htm to, but he'd almost be whimpertn' from fear. We thought he'd leave when he went down some day to glt  drink on the train, as quick as he got paid off; but no, he was here to stay if it killed every animal In the pasture, includin' of htsself. Every spare minute he had, he hung around the Hotel Dalhart, for little Elsie Delhart and her mother showed him all the humane treatment he found, and It turned out he told them about his folks and read letters to 'am that he got from home, and let hisself be known to them in a way us fellows knew nothing of. And Elsie! You put a wild rose amongst a bouquet of American Beau- ties in some hothouse, and I guess it wouldn't be noticed much; but out here on these wind-swept plains we ain't spectin' to see even a wild one, and they look awful good to us. And, by the way, the thorns wasn't missin' neither. Elsie was the pride of this country, but she wouldn't stand for no foolishness off of us cow- punchers if she" was the queen there- of. She w a one of those outdoor girls, though he helped her ma faithful around the house and kitchen. on the gallery with one of them polk dot effects on, and gives Willie the glad hand. Even this far off you can tell she's braggln' on his clothes the way she stands back and looks at him, her head on one side and her hands clasped in front of ler. And all day Chick stayed by her. Not engagin' in the cigar race and contests of various kinds, he Just stayed by Elsie's side. and took her from stand to stand buyin' her every- thing in sight. Mexico Charlie ahvays too.. first money on these occasions, him bein' the star roper and rider in these parts; but today he couldn't win noth- in', and when at last a bronc' throed him. he got up with a wicked look, and never even smiled when El- sie rushed over to ask if he was hurt. Just before sundown when it was all over but the biley, which was to be in the schoolhouse that night, the crowd had dispersed and a little bunch of three or four cow.punchers in front of the hotel was a:' there was in sight. Chick was leanln' against a post listenin' to the rest of us auger, when Mexico Charlle walks out of the tmtol and stands on the gallery lookin' down at Chick's feet, "Fellows." he says short. "do you know why I got throwed today?" Course we didn't. "Some low-lived son-of-a-gun swapped his dull spurs for my sharp ones," he says, "and there they are," he says, potntin' to Chick's feet. "You all know 'em.'" Nobody says a word, for shore enough Chick is wearln' different spurs from the ones he bought down at Headwater about a month before, and shore enough they're just like Mexico's. Chick looks up at Mexico to see what kind of a joke it is. then he crooks one leg and begins to spin the rowel around foolish. "These here." he says, "are my spurs. I traded for 'era today with Wild Cat Mike." "And Wild Cat Mike's gone home, I suppose," says Mexico suggestive. "Yes, he's gone home," answers Chick still twlrltn' the spur, Mexico stel down and forces Chick to look at him. "I'm goin' for my gun," he says furious. "I'll fix you for this." And he ushes off toward the tore. Chick looks at us kinder be- wildered. -o "Now what did he mean?" he asks innocent. "Have you got a gun?" I asks ex- cited. Chicks puts down his foot and i reached back to his hip pocket. '"Yes," he says, drawin" out, not a .45. but a sack of tobacco ..rid a book of cigarette papers. "Heavens. man," says Johnny Car- ton, "where is it?" "In my pocket." says Chick. cool as a refrigerator. "I guess I'll have time to roll a cigarette before he gits back," he ads in his injured tone. "I've got a date with Elsie for the dance, too," he says regretful. Well. we all looked foolish. This was the coward we had laughed at, and tortured, now ready to face the Tad Man of Floretta in the worst of his moods! The whole group sauntered off a bit In summer she wore them  sailor- from the hotel, for there were ladies collar, polka-dotted affairs that look so well where they roll bac:: from a soft, girlish throat. And any time of year *.here was a golden curl or two that bobbed around her face, and the eyes that kinder peeped out at you from beneath the long lashe:" made you want to dig your spurs in the bronc' you was ridtn' and wish to the kingdom eom  he'd pitch and run so you could show how good you could ride. We all felt that away, but she was Mexico Charlie's girl. At least he said so, and folks didn't dispute Mexico's word. him bein' of a different temperanent from us other buttons, and his word bein' about all the law there was around Floretta way. After eight months Chick begun to look different. He got him a full cow-puncher outfit, a swell California saddle, a Navajo of gorgeous reds and greens, big rattlin' spurs, and 30 foot of rope, It was at the Fourth of July celebra- tion at Floretta that Chick Saunders come out in his complete costume, by wearin' a btg white Stetson hat and replacin' his woreout shoes and leather gaiters with a pair of shop- made boots which shore become the looks of his underpinnin', for his legs was long and thin and his eet was too big to look pretty. He rode up to a bunch of us stand- in' around the grand stand, which had been put up temporary for the ladies to set in and watch the ropin' and bronc' ridin', and it bein' covered with tow sacks was shore cool and shady. "Look at the boots!" says Mexico loud. "It costs Chick as much to buy 'era as it does a cat to get life in- surance. Both bein' nine times what they ought to be.'" Everybody laughs and Chick rides off bashful toward the Hotel Dalhart, and I see Mexico's eyes narrow to two dark slits when Elsie bounds out Inside and they must not be disturbed. It was only a step to the store, and Mexico was comtn' back now. Nobody made a move while he walked up to within twenty steps of where we stood, his back to the hotel gallery. Chick spat out his cigarette. Mexico whipped out his gun, and l glanced at the tenderfoot. It was all over so quick, and a man can't see everything at once. 1 re- member Chick had his gun--then saw the wildest look of misery comJ into his eyes. Almost at the same moment came the sound of a sharp sttp on the gallery, there was a whi of polka-dots, and then I heard the report of MexicO's gun. Chick had failed to shoot, W all looked from one of the tom, batants to the other, too dazed to speak, for there stood Chick unhurt, while Mexico was lookin' at a place on his right arm from which we could see the blood was tricklln', him havin' the sleeves of his shirt rolled up. Little Elsie Dalhart was standin' there. A pair of spurs was in her hand. "Here's your spurs, Mr. Mexico Charlle," she was sayln'. "I'm sorry I cut your arm. but it only serves you right. Between the mattress and the spring," she says contemptuous, "is no place for a pair of spurs. I cut my own hand on 'era while putttn' on the clean sheets," she says, puttin' her hurt hand to her lips like a woman does when she burns, or cuts, or scratches it. Way down th track we .heard the [ whistle of the evenin' passenger go-[ In' west. It was the only sonnd there t was. 'Suppers ready,' says Elsie, t kinder peevish. And we all turned i and went in the house like bad boys ] that'd been caught stealin' green ap- ples. All, that is, except Mexico Charlie. 1 ain't never seen him since. BECOMING A STANDING IOKE] t Anecdote 8uPely Will Be an Old Friend if the European War Lasts Long. "While I don't want It to be thought for a moment that 1 can regard any phase of the European war in a flip- pant way," said a West Philadelphian recently, "nevertheless, as an lnces-t sant Dewspaper reader, a somewhat: Jocular thought struck me the other daY. That is that there is at least one war story which is taking its place as a perennial; It is beginning to be a standard anecdote about the war. just as the mother-In-law joke has become standardized. "I have now read this anecdote m seven different cable dispatches weeks apart, and In one book. The anecdote i September, and lt since to the ,era It Is always differently ,Etaged, but the er see the enemy. And this is the anecdote: "'A wounded French tot British or Russian or Belgian) soldier (or oP- cer) is brought into a hospital or a railway station or hospital car. It is told in all these ways. He Is placed on a cot or on blankets on the floor. Beside him is' an empty cot or some unoccupied blankets. In a few minutes the nurse comes up to him 'I you mind If I place a wounded German on the cot beside youV' she asks. 'Not at all,' says the wounded soldier, 'He'll be the first German i'Ve seen.' "'Take it from me," the West Phlla. delphian concluded, "this anecdote is the motherdn-law joke of the war thus tar." Keeping Mulberry Leaves, Mulberry leaves, the chief :let of Facts Don't Lie--Western Can- ada Is Full of Facts--Here Are Three of Them. 1. C. T. Moore, Underhill, Man. Came from Bruce County, Ontario, 1882, with a capital of $2.00. Home- steaded quarter section. Now owns 2,800 acres for which he paid average of $20.00--worth today $40.00 per acre. 2, James Steel, Battleford. Sas- katchewan. Came from Perthshire, Scotland, 1904. His fare advanced to bring himself and family to Canada. Took up homestead, which he sold later $25.00 per acre, buying 1,000 acres at $15.00 per acre, Has been very successful in mixed farming. Values land now at $40.00 per acre, and is worth $60.00. "If I had re- mained in the Old Country my gray hairs would have been a passport to the poor house," he says, 3. H.J. Smith, Clover Bar, Alberta. Came from North Michigan. 1893, without capital. Now farming 800 acres, valued at $200 per acre. Pur- chased originally at $15.00 per acre. Engaged in mixed farming. Cows average him $150.00 a year. All this talk about the exploitation of labor by capital, class distinction, living wage, high cost of living, and so forth, doesn't hold the slightest interest for the Canadian farmer. Why? Because he has proved that you can't begin too poor to become rich in Canada; that free homesteads preclude the possibility of being robbed of freedom and independence; that the high cost of living can't hurt the man who grows most of his own necessities; that his labor brings re- ward in exact and just proportion to time and intelligence invested. If those who whine at urban condi- tions would give a little time to in- vestigating those suburban, they would Hkely spy a clear way out of their difficulties. For the first step, drop a card to any Canadian Govern- ment Aent.-- Advertisement. Wiping Out the Rat. Unity has had from time to time 1 disrespectful words for the cat, 'tim I animal of the wild that has suffered I degeneracy by domestication, but we 1 are anxious to give the cat its due, and a writer in the Farm and Fireside  declares that a good cat is a more suc- cessful enemy to rats than all the traps available. But the government experience with rats and rat catching would indicate that this pestilence carrier, this wasteful destroyer of property cannot be exterminated by cats. Buildings can be made rat proof and towns can be rid of rats. Perhaps civilization will eventually be able to free itself from this devasta- tor of wealth and destroyer of health, but it will require concerted action under scientific direction. Rats rep- resent another "national problem." Unity. TENDER SENSITIVE SKINS Quickly Soothed by Cu*Jcura. Noth- ing Better. Trial Free. Especially when preceded by a hot bath with Cuticura Soap. Many com- forting things these fragrant super- creamy emollients may do for the skin, scalp, hair and hands and do it quickly, effectively aid economically. Also for the toilet, bath and nursery, Sample each free bY mail with Book. Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. XY0 Boston. Sold everywhere.Ady. In the Beginning. "Say, Adam," remarked Eve at the breakfast table, "1 need a new gown. ,hat kind shall I get?" BILIOUS, HEADAGHY, 00II]K "I]A00C/00RET00i" Gently cleanse your liver and sluggish bowels while you sleep. Get a 10-cent box. Sick headache, biliousness, diz ness, coated tougue, foul taste and foul breath--always trace them to torpid liver; delayed, fermenting food in the bowels or sour, gassy stomach. Poisonous matter clogged in the in- testines, instead of being cast out of the system is re-absorbed into tho blood. When this poison reaches the delicate brain tissue it causes con- gestion and that dull, throbbing, slW ening headache. Cascarets immediately cleanse the stomach, remove the sour. undigested food and foul gases, take the excm bile from the liver and carry out all the constipated waste matter  poisons in the bowels. A Cascaret to-night will surely straighten you out by morning. The)" work while you sleepa 10-cent from year druggist means your head clear, stomach sweet and your liver and bowels regular for months. Adv. The Conqueror'ti Return. Mr. Mouatt, born tired, also fath" of a large family, spent most of his married life in bed, while Mrs. Mouatt worked in the glass factory, just to keep things moving. One morning Mr. Mouatt became impreg- nated with the large Idea of getting out of bed at last. and offering his services to his country. On calling at Mrs. Moutt's one day last week, a lady found her in tears. "Why, Mrs. Mouatt, what is the mat- ter? Has your husband been wound* ed?" "No, miss." (Loud sniffles.) "Well, dear me! I hope he has not been killed!" "Oh, it's worse than that, miss! 'fie coming 'ome!"-Judge, The Opportunist. ' HeI love the true, the good. the beautiful, the-- She--Oh, George, this is so sudden! ......................................... -- BeauW It is vitally nec- essary there- fore, that you take good ta o your skin, ZONA POMADE if used regularly wilt beautify and preserve your complexion and help you retain the bloom oi early youth for many years. Try it (or 30 days, It not more than satisfied you get your money back. 5oc at druggists or mailed direct* Z0na Company, Wichita. Ken. ,,,, RD (l00fltM rOam OURUIq q tvl V TO U FOR BEST IRIESUtT$ CHEAP STORAge ms'r=00 INSURANCE ss emv LIBERAL LO/kN 5 ADE WRIT I US COYNE BROTHERS 118 W. :SOUTH wATER T.. OHIOAQO Build tor Permanence and Safety in#is bye cheap ead imple that the azcrtgo so with ext,llext for ctO, armeP or  handy man. AddteSS WtHi=m H, Des 7439 Col Ave.. Caso, IBL "Oh, don't bother me,'" Adam, who was trying to peruse the mwning paper. "I don't care a fig what kind you get. But as it's the first of the year, perhaps it would be Just as well to turn over a new leaf.." owled gr - ...... ............ Wichita Directory Formation of Opinions. '"What do you think of the presi- denl.'s speech ?" "I don't like it!" "ltave you read it?" "No. When I disagree with a man's politics I don't have to read his speeches to know ] don't like 'era." Getting On. "Has that novel you are reading any atmosphere ?" "I should say so! A tire explodes in the first chapter, and that's how the hero meets the heroine." Red Cross Ball Blue, made in America, therefore the best, delights the housewife, All good grocers. Adv. oncern. When world's